When you’re getting serious with someone and the prospects of marriage are very much in the horizon, there’s one very important thing you need to have as the wedding day draws nearer: a conversation about sex.
This is because after all the cake is eaten, there are some real, wonderful, and complicated consequences of saying “I do.”
You’re not saying yes to a day; you’re saying yes to a lifetime with someone. And that includes sex.
Talking about sex with a partner can feel taboo even in the most committed of relationships. The following are the questions to ask.
1. What is the meaning and purpose of sex for you?
Between religious upbringing, life experiences, and secular influences, you and your partner might not exactly see eye to eye when it comes to sex. So, finding out what you both truly believe is the first step to negotiating, and aligning those beliefs for a happy, healthy marriage.
Often in this day and age, sex is very much about your own selfish pleasure, but sex shouldn’t be selfish. So, it’s important to talk about sex before marriage, and really listen to what the other person has to say on the subject, and work out a common ground.
2. What are your medical concerns?
Make appointments with a physician to determine that you’re both physically fit and not suffering from any sexual issues.
Issues of impotency, STDs, frigidity, etc., must be brought to the attention of a medical doctor to find out the underlying cause and get medical intervention where applicable.
Both of you should be assessed to ascertain that you are able to have children. These and other matters are ones you must discuss and bring to your doctor’s attention, so you both have a full picture of each other’s physical capabilities and limitations as husband and wife.
3. What should I know about your sexual history?
Regardless of religious beliefs, the reality is that many people do not wait until marriage to become sexually active. Every person’s sexual history is unique and both of you should get a sense of what you have been up to. This part of the discussion may be especially sensitive, so keep in mind that the intent is not to incite shame or jealousy.
What and how much you reveal is up to you. The point is to form an open-line of communication.
You should also consider seeking professional help if either of you is addicted to pornography.