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End-of-life conversation: Six things you need to discuss with your parents before transition
No one seems to be ready to lose a parent, no matter the age, so talking about end-of-life issues can be somehow awkward and scary for most people.
Such conversations aren’t very easy to talk about. But death is inevitable, it could knock anytime and take its victim whether prepared or unprepared. So this is why you need to broach the topic with your parents before they answer the scary call to embark on a journey of no return.
An American eldercare expert Joy Loverde, author of “Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old,” has said the ideal time to have end-of-life conversations with your parents “is when your parents are mentally competent and can make their own choices and decisions,” while “The worst time is when there is a crisis.”
Here are some expert-backed ideas for how to broach end-of-life care with your parents.
Ask if they’ve prepared a will
If there’s one thing people tend to associate with end-of-life planning, it’s a will and for good reason: It’s the legal document that basically determines what happens to all of your assets after you die.
Asking this may make you sound desperate, but it’s best to ask anyway, to avoid any form of crisis that may arise after their transition. You should ask your parents about whether they’ve designated a power of attorney, meaning a person who has been empowered to make legal and financial decisions if they can’t.
Ask about insurance
First, you want to ask about whether your parents if they have life insurance and maybe also have a basic sense of their policy, if for no other reason than billions of naira of life insurance that have gone unclaimed. Life insurers don’t necessarily have to proactively reach out and determine if the person they’ve insured is still alive. It’s advisable to ask to make sure you’re never in a position where your loved ones have paid for a policy or policies that go unused simply because no one knew about them.
Ask about the basics of their digital life
You do not necessarily need to have access to all their devices or every single account. But you want to know basics, like, who do they bank with? What do they do that online? And how could you begin to unwind their digital life if you needed to?
This might be a good time to talk to your parents about a password manager, which stores passwords and allows you to designate someone who can manage their account should something happen.
Ask about the soft stuff they are emotionally attached to
You also want to talk to your parents about how they’re organizing things that have emotional value, so you don’t lose things you’d be devastated to let go.
“Are there things around the house that parents have a sentimental connection to that they want to make sure get passed down to one person in the family? Are there any letters or videos or photos they want to make sure don’t get lost?” “And then things like recipes.” It’s better to ask for it now.
Make it about you not them
Experts have said you shouldn’t assume that end-of-life conversations will be tough or awkward. A lot of parents welcome the opportunity to discuss these important logistics with their families, particularly those who have seen firsthand how challenging things can be if there are no plans in place ahead of time.
But if you’re nervous, which is understandable, experts say you should start out by making it about you. Not only is that important for parents to know about their own kids, it also opens up the door for parents to share their own plans.
Be ready to help
Getting all of this information together is a significant undertaking. It’s possible that your parents may have thought about some of this, but not necessarily every piece of the puzzle.
“One of the things adult children forget to do is have answers in case parents are totally open to having this conversation.
“If they open the door and ask a question and you say ‘I don’t know’ you may not get another opportunity. Do your homework, and have some idea of what you’re talking about,” Joy Loverde said.
Culled from HuffPost
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