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How to tell if you’re really in love BY Kirstie Taylor

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How to tell if you’re really in love BY Kirstie Taylor

Love is a powerful feeling. It’s the reason a decade-long war broke out between ancient civilizations and the driving force for plots in world-renowned plays. Scientists have even found that love is as addictive as cocaine and nicotine.

This is the reason we all long for the elusive feeling, throughout our lives, until we come across it. As Diana Barrows says in It Takes Two, we want “that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars over the fence, world series kind of love.”

But it’s not that easy to know if you’re in love. Sometimes a relationship happens fast with exhilarating emotions that are hard to see through. Other times, love creeps up on you; it grows from a place you least expected.

I remember being in my early twenties and obsessed with the moment the words “I love you” was uttered in my relationships. I focused too much on what those words meant, rather than if I genuinely felt them.

Now that I’ve had a bit more experienced and my hormones have calmed down, I’ve learned more about love. Specifically, how to know when you’re experiencing this feeling for another person, or if you’re maybe caught up in something else.

Since love is unique to each individual, the answer lies with you. To help you figure out if you’re in love, ask yourself these questions:

How would it feel if the person wasn’t in your life?

When you think about the person not being in your life, what kind of feelings are evoked? Do you feel sad? Upset? Maybe even a bit of physical pain at the mere thought?

When you love someone deeply, you want them in your life. It’s not wrong to feel sad at the thought of them leaving, it’s simply love. You found someone that means enough to you that you’d do whatever it takes to keep them in your life.

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Are you able to be silly/sad/serious/fun-loving with this person?

Right before we go to bed, I’m reminded, again and again, how in love I am with my boyfriend. We lay in bed and act like kids — laughing, being silly, and even engaging in the oh-so-annoying baby talk. But the fact I can act however I want with him and still feel comfortable reminds me how much I cherish his presence.

Being in love means you’ve crossed the plane of acting a certain way around them. Your walls have come down, and you’re comfortable around them. You don’t need to present yourself a certain way to try and woo them, you’re at the stage where you can be who you are, without reservations.

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How comfortable are you with being sexual with this person?

I don’t want to mix up love with sex. There is definitely a clear distinction. And it is possible to be in love without being sexually involved with someone.

But if sex is part of the equation, ask yourself how comfortable you are with this aspect of your relationship. Are you able to speak up about your needs? Do you enjoy having sex with them?

While having sex is not needed to be in love, sexual chemistry could be a sign that you’re in love with someone.

How seen do you feel by this person?

Do you feel like your partner understands you on a deeper level? Are they interacting with the parts of you that aren’t hidden behind walls but, rather, open with vulnerability?

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There’s a certain way we interact with people in our daily lives. They see glimpses into who we are, but they don’t completely understand our full selves, shaped by our past, goals, dreams, and interests. If you feel your partner sees all of this in you and is accepts you no less than it could be a sign you’re in love with them.

Do you find yourself thinking about a future that involves them?

When someone mentions plans for Christmas, does your mind immediately picture you and your partner together? Have you noticed yourself wanting to plan trips with them months in advance?

You might be falling in love when your focus shifts from purely what’s happening in the present, to more of a long-term way of thinking. Like the statement above, when you’re in love with someone, you want to spend your time with them. So it only makes sense to think about a future that involves them.

Do you want to do things for them, even if there is nothing in return?

Rhetoric on love usually focuses on how to get love from another person. It doesn’t take into account that being in love involves the way you care for the other person. Love isn’t only about being loved, it’s about giving it too.

When you’re in love, you want to do things for your partner to make them happy. They’re a priority in your life, and that means helping them or showing your love when there is nothing in return. Because being in love isn’t about what you get in return; merely loving them is enough.

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Is the relationship easy or stressful?

I once thought love meant riding the emotional rollercoaster of passion, lust, and arguments that ended in tears. It took me many relationships to realize that kind of relationship is not healthy. And I question how in love we actually were.

Being in love should come easy and without pain. A healthy relationship will functions relatively smoothly, with the good far outweighing the bad. Being in love means the relationship, not just the person, is a positive addition to your life.

Does it feel like a dream, or does it feel real?

If everything feels too good to be true, it’s worth questioning if that’s actually the case. Often, we put people on a pedestal or hold a relationship up to preconceived expectations. But at some point, everything will come crashing down. And if that happens, you’ll be left wondering if what you felt was ever love.

But if you’re happy and grounded — if the relationship feels like an adventure and home — then chances are, you’re in the beautiful feeling of love.

Opening your heart to someone you love by telling them your true feelings can be scary. But, if having gone through this list, you feel like you’re in love, it’s worth letting the other person know.

Love is elusive, but it’s one of the best feelings we’ll experience as humans. And life is too short to not know if that feeling is reciprocated.

Source: Kirstie Taylor

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Now is the time to set yourself up for the future of best practices BY Dr. Ibrahim Abduba

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It has been said over and over by a multitude of business systems experts. One of the greatest barriers to digital transformation is not technological. It is human resistance to change. Within an enterprise, a wholesale culture shift is needed for digitalisation to take hold and be used to its full efficiency-boosting potential.

Of course, enterprises are now operating in a context of forced, unprecedented change beyond the scenarios covered in most business continuity plans. Who projected that we would one day be in a situation where essentially everything would close at the same time, crippling supply chains? Or that a company’s workforce would be mandated to stay home, with no access to on-premise systems? Businesses need new solutions to ensure business continuity in the current economic climate, recover quickly and ensure operational resilience in the “next normal” beyond COVID-19.

The time is ripe for change, but it demands a greater embrace of new perspectives. These newer attitudes have been slowly taking root in Africa. First, there was the move from manual to automated Enterprise Resource Planning (ERP) (https://bit.ly/3cohBuI) applications. This led to the realisation over the past decade that cloud-based systems drive greater operational agility than their on-premise equivalent, allowing enterprises to operate efficiently and securely, even across borders.

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As an example, Bank of Kigali Plc in Rwanda has leveraged cloud-based functionality such as end-to-end process automation to reduce costs, improve scalability and innovate customer offerings.

Despite such success stories, many companies continue to cling to the mindset of “I have my own customised ERP, and it works for me; I’m not giving it up.” That attitude is understandable, but current challenges prove traditional ERPs lack the flexibility to overcome them efficiently. Rigidity is simply not contemporary best practice.

Even before the current crisis, Steve Cox, Oracle’s Group Vice President for ERP EPM Product Marketing, referred to the future of best practices as being one of less work, more automation and better outcomes. The wider business context has, of course, shifted, but evolving technology remains key to unlocking business benefits, such as greater speed and cost savings.

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Best practice is also continually being disrupted and redefined by emerging technologies. We see artificial intelligence (AI) and machine learning (ML) well entrenched in Oracle Cloud applications now, producing insights from big data, automatically maintaining systems and underpinning chatbots. Becoming similarly commonplace in enhancing everyday work processes are the likes of blockchain, Internet of Things (IoT) and augmented reality (AR), with the first two having special advantages for supply chain management (SCM).

Even with expensive IT upgrade cycles, old on-premise platforms may battle to integrate with such new solutions. By contrast, through cloud, enterprises can instantly leverage the latest best-in-class technologies, which connect seamlessly because of already considered integration capabilities. The cost of continual upgrades goes away, and it becomes easier to predict spend and calculate budgets.

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With continual cycles of disruption the new business “normal,” the ability to accurately predict and prepare has become the best practice for enterprises. Cloud ERP offers users the ability to effortlessly pull together data sets across a business for better insights that drive scenario planning and optimisation strategies. At the same time, an organisation’s human talent is liberated to focus on innovation instead of losing their workdays to mundane manual tasks like report generation and transaction processing.

Leveraging these capabilities, and more, does not require reinventing the wheel. To make an enterprise truly future-ready, and minimise unpredictable risk, starts with overcoming attitude barriers.

Dr. Ibrahim Abduba, ERPM Strategy and Business Development Leader – East & West Africa at Oracle

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Simi, the ‘Tiff’ that stole the show

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Popular Nigerian Musician, Simisola Ogunleye professionally known as “Simi” since breaking onto the Nigerian music scene in 2008 has had a smooth ride and an impressive and enviable career run.

The 32 years old songstress started her career as a gospel singer, releasing her debut studio album in 2008, titled “Ogaju”, produced entirely by Samklef.

Simi then had her breakthrough in 2014 with her amazing singles, “Tiff”.

Born in Ojuelegba, Lagos, She is the last born child of the Ogunleye family. Although her parents separated when she was 9, Simi graduated from Convenant University, where she studied Mass Communication.

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The amazing and talented star grew up dancing and singing as a member of her local church’s choir. She wrote her first song at age 10.

In 2014, Simi released an EP she titled Restless. The EP earned her a record deal with X3M Music, but she left the label in 2014 following the expiration of her contract.

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At present, Simi is arguably one of the best female musicians in Nigeria. Simi is also enjoying the smash success of her recent music release, “Duduke” which has virally taken over the social media space.

The single, Duduke was inspired by her pregnancy, as the lyrics of the song depicts the expectant mother singing for her unborn baby.

Surprisingly, Simi isn’t just a singer and songwriter, the expectant mother is also a sound engineer as she is credited for mixing and mastering her husband, Adekunle Gold’s debut album, “Godl”, released in 2016.

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Simisola has released three studio albums and has featured in one movie. She made her acting debut in “Mokalik”, a movie directed by Kunle Afolayan.

Simi has won over 10 awards including; Headies’ Best vocal performance (Female), Best Recording of the year, NEA’s Most Promising act to watch and many others.

She is indeed the “Tiff” that stole the show

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Dangiwa’s Letter: my two cents BY Femi Fani-Kayode

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“At this time and in the light of all that have happened since you took office, any conversation with you Mr. President cannot gloss over the chaos that has overtaken appointments into government offices in your administration. All those who wish you and the country well must mince no words in warning you that Nigeria has become dangerously polarized and risk sliding into crisis on account of your administration’s lopsided appointments which continues to give undue preference to some sections of the country over others. Nowhere is this more glaring than in the leadership cadre of our security services. Mr. President, I regret that there are no kind or gentle words to tell you that your skewed appointments into the offices of the federal government, favouring some and frustrating others, shall bring ruin and destruction to this nation”- Col. Abubakar Dangiwa Umar (rtd.)

Col. Abubakar Dangiwa Umar is a former military Governor of Kaduna state and a Fulani Prince from the ruling house of the Gwandu Emirate who has had the courage to speak out against Buhari’s “Fulanisation”, “Islamisation” and “northernisation” policy.

He is one of the heroes of the June 12th struggle and he lost his Commission in the Nigerian Army for insisting that President-elect MKO Abiola should be given his mandate and allowed to lead Nigeria after winning a free and fair election in 1993.

He is an old friend of mine who used to be my Polo captain at the Lagos Polo Club many years ago and who I have known and admired since 1983. He openly opposed Buhari’s military regime as a young Major at the Lagos Polo Club between 1983 and 1985 and he often spoke against him whilst Buhari was military Head of State.

This was a very dangerous thing to do at that time because Buhari’s military Government was the most vicious and repressive that Nigeria has ever known. I used to listen to him with fascination in those days and I marvelled at his courage and his willingness to give up his life for his beliefs.

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I read his polite, well-crafted and well-researched letter to the President which was released yesterday and I was touched and moved that he had the decency, patriotic zeal and presence of mind to say the things that some of us have been screaming for the last 5 years about Buhari’s dangerous policies and divisive politics.

I called our mutual friend and brother Bashorun Akin Osuntokun, who is presently doing a stint at Oxford University, to express my deep appreciation for the efforts of a man that we have both come to love and learnt to respect over the years.

Akin was equally impressed with his letter and we expressed satisfaction at the fact that he had once again lifted our spirits and gave us cause for hope.

May God bless this gallant soldier known as Dangiwa for being fearless and consistent over the years and may he continue to be the light and inspiration that he has always been to those in our generation.

We have not always agreed on everything but his timely interventions, courage and consistency is as remarkable as it is uplifting. I urge him not to relent in his noble efforts to make Nigeria a better place for all regardless of tribe, ethnic group or faith. We need more of him.
To those that are too young to know I will add the following. During the coup d’etat against Buhari’s vicious, murderous and bestial military regime in 1985, it was Dangiwa Umar who effected his arrest in Dodan Barracks and took him into custody.

He is one of those that brought an end to that hideous and cruel nightmare which plagued our beleaguered nation for two long years and which led to the destruction of many lives and the death of many people.

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Dangiwa is a very tough and decisive man indeed both on the polo field and off it and just as he stood up to tyranny, injustice, wickedness, racism, nepotism and ethnic and religious bigotry in both in 1985 and 1993, he is standing up to it again today. That is the measure of the man and I am not in the least but surprised.

Yesterday I tweeted the following:

“When Col. Abubakar ‘Dangiwa’ Umar speaks the Government would do well to listen. He is a man of deep wisdom, profound knowledge and extraordinary courage. Like yours truly, he fears no man and bows before no mortal. He speaks truth to power and he makes tyrants tremble”.

I stand by these words and I stand shoulder to shoulder with Dangiwa Umar and millions of other Nigerians who have had enough of Buhari’s evil, injustice and tyranny and who are deeply concerned about the destructive course that he has set our nation on.
May God deliver our nation from this evil man and those that are supporting him and egging him on. May God raise more Dangiwa Umar’s to help us in this noble quest to save our nation.

Permit me to conclude this contribution with the following.

In his letter to Buhari Dangiwa Umar quoted the words of Sheik Usman Danfodio, the father and founder of the Fulani Caliphate, when he wrote the following:

“One of the swiftest ways of destroying a Kingdom is to give preference of one particular tribe over another or show favour to one group of people rather than another. And to draw near those who should be kept away and keep away those who should be drawn near”.

If Buhari will not listen to anyone else let us hope that he will at least listen to and learn from the words of his esteemed forefather and let us hope that he taps into the wisdom and draws from the counsel of the greatest and most revered leader of his Fulani race.

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More importantly let us hope that it is not too late. I will end with the following counsel.

President Zulfikar Ali Bhutto was betrayed by General Zia Ul Haq. General Yakubu Gowon was betrayed by Colonel Joe Garba.

President Mohamed Morsi was betrayed by General Abdel Fatah El Sisi. Captain Thomas Sankara was betrayed by Captain Blaise Compaore.
Chairman Josef Stalin was betrayed by Marshall Lavrentiy Beria. Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher was betrayed by Finance Minister Geoffrey Howe. Gaius Julius Caesar was betrayed by Marcus Junius Brutus.

President Robert Mugabe was betrayed by Vice President Emmerson Mnangagwa.

I could go on and on. History is replete with such examples.

A leader’s greatest and most dangerous enemies are not those who speak out against him and oppose him publicly but rather those that are close to him and thet are plotting against him secretly.

They are those that are in his inner circle, Government or family that refuses to tell him the bitter truth, that desists from setting him on the right path when he has derailed, that decline to advise him when he is wrong and that egg him on in his manifest and unrelenting cruelty and injustice and encourage him to continue to perpetuate wickedness and to do evil.

Worse still it is those same people that will eventually discredit him, betray him and facilitate his fall from grace and removal from power.

I advise President Muhammadu Buhari to be wary of his ‘trusted’ friends and allies, to be careful of the cheerleaders around him, to change his ways, to watch his back, to do the right thing and to listen to selfless, honest and forthright men like Col. Abubakar Dangiwa Umar who truly have the nation’s interest at heart!

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